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It only takes a few seconds to show someone how you feel about them......the police call it indecent exposure but whatever.
If you see me smiling it`s because I`m thinking of doing something evil or naughty ... If you see me laughing it`s because I`ve already done it
Logging in to Facebook has become the equivalent of opening the fridge door and staring inside even though you`re not hungry.
Technically, Humpty Dumpty died a crack head
The trick is to not let people know how weird you really are until its too late for em to back out
Welcome to WebMD. Type quickly, you don`t have long.
For Display Only` signs on the toilets at Home Depot. Sorry guys my bad. ;)
That kid looks like me. Somebody should warn him.
I just saved a ton of $ on Christmas presents by discussing politics on FB.
I used to be a kleptomaniac but now I take something for it.
Whatever doesn’t kill me makes me all like, “Whoa! That was close!”
Here, take my hand. Now slap yourself with it.
You know you are meant to be when you high five after sex.
My new diet is not buying things at the store that make the cashier say wow someone`s having a party
Trying to remain humble but I’m the most famous person in my living room right now.