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Playing Frisbee with a five year old is amazingly similar to just running after a Frisbee.
If your dog weighs less than 10lbs, it`s technically a cat
My need for caffeine is so bad I`m going to AA for the free coffee
All I`m saying is, China could have a much better relationship with the West if they shared their dragons with us. But, whatever, be that way.
My kids can be difficult sometimes, but my mom always assures me that I deserve it.
I feel like the majority of Eminem`s songs are just him reading from his diary with angry background music.
If you receive an e-mail that says: ``FREE JUSTIN BIEBER CONCERT TICKETS`` Don`t open it! It may contain free Justin Bieber concert tickets.
I’ve been repeating the same mistakes in life for so long now I may as well call them traditions.
I wonder if people that live in Hawaii have screensavers of bumper to bumper traffic?
I love how twix come with two bars so I can eat one now and the other immediately after
Just so you know, I am already planning on being an a$$hole tomorrow.
I stopped watching the History Channel because it`s so outdated.
Learning to "stop drop and roll" in elementary school lead me to believe catching on fire would be a much more frequent problem in life.
Life is like a bowl of soup; you only get blown if you’re hot.
You never truly appreciate Newton’s laws of motion until you’ve sneezed while going to the bathroom.