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And, yet another day I’ve gone without using calculus.
Most problems can be solved with nudity
Marriage is just a 50 year long negotiation over thermostat settings.
"Everybody freeze!" -December
I cant afford a Snuggie so I just wear my robe backwards...
You know what’s huge in Japan? ..Sumo wrestlers. ;)
I wonder if the clouds ever look down on us and say "Hey look! ...that one`s shaped like an idiot!"?
I need to stop making things more complicated than they need to be. I`m adding that to my bucket Power Point presentation.
A boob job sounds like the best job in the world.
Today is a great day. The mailman just delivered me an Iron Maiden cassette, which finally fulfills my Columbia House commitment.
In my experience, temporary insanity can last a long time.
I`ve got a Tootsie Pop and seven hours until the aviary notices their Spotted Owl is missing. Let`s do this!
*sigh* the cop at the front door is never a stripper when you need it to be
How many Weight Watcher points are in an entire bottle of wine?
Life is to short ... to waste time matching socks.