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Hi, welcome to adulthood! You`ll be constantly tired except for right before you need to go to sleep.
Got bored today so I dressed up in tan pants and a blue shirt then went into Best Buy and quit.
"Let`s eat, get drunk and watch people exercise" - sports fans
has often thought that what doesn’t kill us makes us drink stronger liquor.
I get worried when someone posts a kitten pic with a foreign language, I don`t know if they`re showing a cute kitty pet or their dinner.
Tequila... It`s not just for breakfast anymore...
Just saw a cop that had a U-Haul pulled over on the side of the road. Obviously he was trying to bust a move.
wife: It`s ruining date night me: It`s ruining date night because you`re letting it ruin date night hitchhiker: Just drop me off on the corner
Once you have to start paying a babysitter every time you go out, you realize most friendships aren`t worth it.
I would be a great procrastinator ... if I could ever get around to it.
Just saw the first duckface of Spring.
The girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy.. so I went out and got drunk.
If Facebook has taught us anything, it`s that a lot of people are not quite ready for a Spelling Bee.
Sleep is just a symptom of caffeine deprivation.
just realised MR OWL ATE MY METAL WORM is exactly the same backwards