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wonders how you can knock sense into someone when you`re beating them senseless?
If it weren’t for law enforcement and physics, I would be unstoppable.
Ever have the experience of staring at an outfit hanging in your closet and wondering which of the personalities did the shopping that day?
I`m not mature enough to be in a yoga class.
We should bury everyone upside down so if they come back as zombies they’ll dig the wrong way.
If I had a dollar for every time someone has told me to grow up, I could probably afford a whole arsenal of Super Soakers.
How the hell can Dora call herself an explorer if she only goes to places already on the map?
Before Walmart, you had to buy a ticket to the fair to see a bearded woman.
Apparently, "Step up your game" isn`t the correct response when your neighbour brings over fresh cookies, and your wife asks how they are.
Even when I change my mind, it still doesn`t work any better.
If you`re wondering about who the oldest James Bond was, don`t google `old man bond age`
If I owned a copy shop, I’d only hire identical twins to work there.
I`m saving all my good posts for when I can think of some.
If I was on drugs, this post would be amazing.
The restraining order doesn`t mean we can`t hangout. It just says I can`t get within 50 ft of you. So you wanna play catch or frisbee or something?