Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Redneck word of the day : Asphalt. It`s your own dumb asphalt !!
If you`re bored, wear a cape. Then you can be Super Bored
It`s cute how my wife thinks I can read her mind when I can`t even dress the kids properly.
A plus side to being my friend is that you can come to my house in your pajamas and I won’t judge you because I too will be in my pajamas.
Superman wears his underwear outside his pants and he`s a "hero". But I do, and I`m "weird", "creepy" and "never invited over again."
Like this if you’re “never drinking again.”
I need a leaf blower, but for people.
Remember when teachers asked to lie quietly with your head on your desk? My boss has yet to be impressed with this skill.
I don’t mind going to work. It’s that eight-hour wait to go home that bugs me.
Interesting fact: Prior to the creation of hummus and ranch dressing nobody ate uncooked vegetables.
No, whenever there`s trouble, YOU always seem to be around ... officer.
Everyone`s self worth should only be measured by how useful they would be in the zombie apocalypse.
If the zombie apocalypse happened in Vegas…would it “stay in Vegas”?
My sex life is like a Ferrari ... I don`t have a Ferrari
when in Rome get naked ;)