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Whoever named the seesaw probably didn’t get another chance to name stuff.
You guys make Facebook worth it! Just kidding, we are all wasting our lives.
Please don`t wear skinny jeans if you don`t have skinny genes.
Do you think that the guy who invented the vibrator heard voices saying, "if you build it they will come"?
Boss: You`re on another break already? Me: No. This is the same one you saw me on an hour ago.
I like people... From a distance.
If I don`t clean my house soon, someone is going to bring in blindfolded ppl for a Frebreeze commercial.
If you`re going to have opinions on my life, then I am assuming you will be paying some of the bills.
If you eat doughnuts fast enough your Fitbit thinks you`re walking.
I wish conversations were like user agreements, where I could skip to the end and just agree.
The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they`re going to be when you kill them.
Walking out of a store after not buying anything and thinking, “try not to act like a criminal, try not to act like a criminal”
uncle Sam can`t be related to me because family wouldn`t do me like this.
Truthfully, I`d like you all a whole lot better if you were bacon.
Ugh... Seriously? If I get ONE more sexual advance on facebook, that will be.. like... a first.