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Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

I`m going to stand outside. So, if anyone asks, I`m outstanding.
I read "Do not believe everything you read." Now I`m not sure whether to believe this or not.
The guy that discovered milk...What was he doing to that cow?
Stop screaming, lady. All I said was `this is how pornos start`. It`s just elevator talk.
Sorry I`m late, I was waiving my hands at a paper towel dispenser that turned out to not be automatic.
I’m right 97% of the time…who cares about the other 4%.
I put my phone on Airplane Mode and now I can`t find it...
A lie is a great story that someone ruined with the truth.
I don’t know who decided that high heels were just for women but…GOOD CALL.
Apparently, when people say "I could use a hand" it doesn`t mean they want to get slapped in the face.
My idea of getting lucky is having someone else do the laundry.
I say if you can`t come up with anything nice to say then post it on Facebook.
my doctor says I have the body of a 20 year old, the mind of a 30 year old and the wisdom of a someone twice my age, to which my husband asked " What did he say about your fat ass?" I said to my husband, "Oh , the doctor didn`t say anything about you dear!".
The female praying mantis devours the male within minutes after mating, while the female human prefers to stretch it out over a lifetime.
I can’t decide if the drinks are too weak or if my tolerance is too strong.