Daily Silly Status

I`m going to stand outside. So, if anyone asks, I`m outstanding.

I read "Do not believe everything you read." Now I`m not sure whether to believe this or not.

The guy that discovered milk...What was he doing to that cow?

Stop screaming, lady. All I said was `this is how pornos start`. It`s just elevator talk.

Sorry I`m late, I was waiving my hands at a paper towel dispenser that turned out to not be automatic.

I’m right 97% of the time…who cares about the other 4%.

I put my phone on Airplane Mode and now I can`t find it...

A lie is a great story that someone ruined with the truth.

I don’t know who decided that high heels were just for women but…GOOD CALL.

Apparently, when people say "I could use a hand" it doesn`t mean they want to get slapped in the face.

My idea of getting lucky is having someone else do the laundry.

I say if you can`t come up with anything nice to say then post it on Facebook.

my doctor says I have the body of a 20 year old, the mind of a 30 year old and the wisdom of a someone twice my age, to which my husband asked " What did he say about your fat ass?" I said to my husband, "Oh , the doctor didn`t say anything about you dear!".

The female praying mantis devours the male within minutes after mating, while the female human prefers to stretch it out over a lifetime.

I can’t decide if the drinks are too weak or if my tolerance is too strong.