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Whoever lost a bundle of $20 bills tied up in a rubber band..I found the rubber band..
Is a roasted peanut like a regular peanut that was made fun of by celebrity peanuts?
I can`t wait for a empty Christmas wrapping paper tube to bonk someone over the head with!
Do you think in the spirit world they have TV shows about trying to make contact with the living?
I`m more confused than a valet parking attendant at a Mary Kay convention.
A gentle reminder about Daylight Savings Time: If you thought last Monday sucked, this one will prove to be much, much worse.
Congratulations, U.S. Government, you are now officially more embarrassing than Miley Cyrus
I sometimes ask myself, "What would Jesus do?", and then I think, Jesus wouldn`t be caught up in this sh*t.
I got kicked out of the zoo for feeding the ducks ... to the alligators.
Who picks up a seeing eye dogs poop?
Whenever you feel like a genius, remember there was a time in your life when you were learning to not poop your pants.
If you pour two beers in one glass, it`s just one beer.
Most people are lucky they can’t hear what I’m thinking.
Calories? I think you mean delicious points!
Wouldn’t it be a smart idea? To make the sticky part on envelopes taste like chocolate?