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I`m trying to save up enough money to one day afford to save up money.
My girlfriend just threw away a bubble wrap without popping it. Just like that. I`m dating an animal :(
I once found a whip, a mask, a baton and handcuffs in my Mother-in-Law`s draw... who knew she was a superhero. Nice!!!
Don`t rush me. I`m waiting for the last minute.
Whoever said "Lets do that" in the meeting for the pop-tarts without frosting, should be fired
Give a fish some bread and he`ll eat for a day. Teach a fish to be a flying piranha and he`ll eat for a lifetime.
I wonder how many people`s phones out there have my name saved in contacts as "DO NOT ANSWER"
Life is so unfair, why do we always want what we don`t have? For example, right now I want tacos
I have enough leftover Halloween candy to get me to leftover Valentine`s Day candy time.
The best part about going to Wal-Mart is having the book aisles all to yourself.
If you can’t be a good example, then you’l just have to serve as a horrible warning
What are the strongest days of the week? Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays.
How can I learn to be more patient? (I`m only interested in quick-fix solutions with immediate results please)
Anyone going to stare at their phones anywhere cool this weekend?
Every Girls Night Out has at least one crier.