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I`m trying to save up enough money to one day afford to save up money.
Just once I`d like someone to call me "sir" without having to add "you need to calm down or we`re going to have to ask you to leave"
What`s the lowest IQ someone can have while still being a relatively full functioning adult? My wife wants to know.
A lot of people do not realize that the actor who played Wilson in Castaway is the same actor from the volleyball scene in Top Gun.
After months of uninterrupted analysis, I am now prepared to conclude that, indeed, my laundry is not going to fold itself.
Hockey is more enjoyable if you pretend they’re fighting over the world’s last Oreo.
Can’t wait till I’m old and I can play the ‘fall asleep’ card in awkward situations.
When you realize that your car matches the one in the Amber Alert.
If you see someone crying, ask them if it is because of their haircut.
Not trying to be racist or ignorant but... seriously, all crocodiles and alligators look alike.
The one who laughs last is the slowest. The one who laughs first has the dirtiest mind.
If tomatoes are classed as a fruit, then doesnt that mean that ketchup is technically a smoothie? ... hmmm
I say the things better left unsaid.
Those 5 donuts I ate are really going to give me an extra boost during my workout today.
Follow your dreams. Unless it’s a person ... apparently they call that stalking.