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The awkward moment when you’re running and your boobs are bouncing …. and you’re a guy.
I keep forgetting how bad my memory has become..
Everybody stop what you`re doing and play with crayons!! Enjoy the day
Birth Control Pills should be for men. It makes much more sense to unload a gun than to shoot at a bulletproof vest.
Sex, do it for the kids.
How come know-it-alls don`t know how annoying they are?
It`s a serious Lego project when the 1st thing my 5yo does is take off his shirt and gets me a beer from the fridge.
It`s the little things in life that matter the most... for instance the refrigerator light, helping you to see that last beer way in the back!
Apologising does not mean you are wrong and the other person is right, it just means you value your relationship more than your ego.
I just realised that sex is like air..its not important unless you are not getting any.
People who spend their lives complaining how other people are doing nothing productive for society are doing nothing productive for society.
“I need to stop,” I whispered as I clicked next episode.
A morning text from me doesn`t mean "good morning". It means "I`m having very dirty thoughts about you right now".
A new study has found that men have a hard time reading women`s facial expressions. Main reason? They usually aren`t looking at her face.
Bill Gates: A billi a billi a billi JayZ: Half billi half billi half billi Lil Wayne: A milli a milli a milli Me: A dollar a dollar a dollar