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Didja ever get to know someone so well, that you wish you didn`t know them at all????
I hope I’m the last guy on earth — I wanna see if all those women were lying to me.
I try to avoid nice people, so they can stay that way.
All I see on Facebook is penis, orgasm, bang him, bang her, bullwhip, masturbate, porn, tits, and then I read everyone else`s posts..
I wonder if any Disney managers ever start a meeting off with "What kind of Mickey Mouse operation are we running around here?"
FUN THING TO WRITE ON A POST CARD: “Weather is great, having tons of fun! Are you still planning to murder your mailman?”
I slept on the sofa last night which is weird because I`m not even married.
and alcohol are now friends.
Money may not buy happiness but it can certainly improve the quality of your misery
I twisted my ankle playing vodka last night.. Next question
My internet was down for almost 4 mins,im ok but the 911 operator was a total b**ch about it!
If you`re confident enough, every zoo is a petting zoo.
I can paint the house and buy new furniture and my kids won`t notice, but, buy a new phone case...
The early bird needs a punch in the throat.
Don`t understand how you can forget about someone you loved so much. Like that time my mum drove off and left me in the supermarket car park