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"It`s the little things in life that make you laugh," my mom used to say. I never understood it until I saw two midgets fighting at Walmart.
I`d offer moral support, but I have questionable morals.
I failed the emergency broadcast test. My apologies to all the employees I shoved to the ground while screaming
I lost a very close friend and drinking partner last week. He got his finger caught in a wedding ring.
To the untrained eye, I`m quite handsome.
There is no evidence that exists that life should be taken seriously.
A bunch of us are going out for pancakes when Facebook is over, if you want to come along.
Friends don’t let friends twerk.
The next person that tells me I have no shame…probably knows me pretty darn well.
I like to refer to myself as a "Second-hand Vegetarian". Animals eat grass. I eat animals.
All I`m saying is that Schwarzenegger isn`t the only one who woke up naked next to a dumpster in 1984.
R.I.P. 2013 (2013-2013)
I wish I was Robinson Cruso. Coz, I can have `Friday` everyday :) TGIF guys..cheers ;)
Alarm clocks should come with sounds like "tiny doll feet scampering into the closet" because I am not hitting snooze when I hear that.
Billion dollar idea. A smoke detector that shuts off when you yell "I`m just cooking!"