Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Why are you showing me pictures of your kid if you have a dog?
only 9530 days until retirement.
Ah man... i don`t have any notifications... better go check another computer
In a perfect world Taco Bell would deliver...
Folding laundry with a toddler is like trying to straighten a desk full of papers while a fan blows on it.
My life is a constant cycle of waiting until the weekend and then not doing anything when it comes.
I just want to be perfect... Nah just kidding, I love being weird
If you can`t handle your alcohol I would gladly help you out
If I didn`t drink, how would everyone know how much I love them at 2am?
I wish I could match my dog`s excitement to go outside.
People that use big words, but not in the right context, are just trying to be ambidextrous
So far my only real accomplishment in life has been not having kids.
So... Where does one obtain minions?
It`d be nice if the married people would leave some of the single people for the rest of the single people.
Good thing I`m judged on my actions and not my thoughts.