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Easter can be just as much fun as an adult as it was as a child. Just paint and hide beer cans instead of eggs.
If I could only use one word to describe myself, it would probably be: "not good at following directions".
If you see me drinking coffee from a to-go cup in public after 3 pm, that coffee is booze in disguise.
I just burnt my tongue on my food. It made me realise that it’s the ones we love that hurt us the most.
*accidentally answers phone call* ... *pretends to be answering machine*
I don`t regret burning bridges. I regret that some people weren`t on those bridges when I burned them.
It`s all fun and games until you find out she`s a psychotic bitch...
Please, Lord, let me prove that winning the lottery won´t spoil me.
Once again I`ve woken up without super powers. Sigh
They should really be Middle-Age Mutant Business Turtles by now.
Woke up to gun shots this morning. Luckily my wife has horrible aim.
Every have one of those moments where you look at yourself in the mirror and think "Damn if I weren`t me, I`d totally hit that."
This guy told me that playing the voilin is the best way to calm you down. I bet he never tried smashing it over someone`s head.
Sometimes you have to photoshop your life. Touch up edges, adjust the tones, blur the background, focus on yourself & crop some people out.
I`m a little Stressed right now ... Just turn around and leave quietly and no one gets hurt.