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"You`ve got a friend in me." - Cannibals, probably
The meek shall inherit the earth. Probably because they`re the only ones who won`t complain about what we`ve done to it.
If you own a podium and put up a sign that says "valet" on it, can you just steal cars?
one of the Olsen twins got married earlier today! when the fiance was asked "which one???" he replied "who cares???"
I learned most of what I know about dropping pianos on people from cartoons.
I gauge a person’s wealth by the level of protection on their iPhone. No case, huge salary.
I thought I was wrong once, but I was mistaken.
I have never met a woman without wondering what her box of cookie recipes looks like.
Good for you, people that do things.
Why do people with the most to say contribute the least?
It would serve me better if they put shopping carts in the middle of the store where my pride realizes I have too much sh!t to carry.
U.S.A.... where people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet coke
The guy who wrote the program that estimates how much time is left on a download did not take his job seriously at all.
Apparently my "Please STFU" face bears a strong resemblance to my "Oh, Please Keep Talking" face.
Handy tip for new parents : Wake up your baby by gently resting your head on a pillow.