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Today`s big idea - Coffee eye drops
I need a keyboard shortcut for "sorry it`s taken me so long to reply to your text..."
I want my next girl to be crazy but more "Lets have sex in public" crazy rather than "I throw hot coffee in your face" crazy.
Don`t half a$$ anything. F*ck it up all the way.
RUN? I thought you said Rum. I quit.
Minnesota is my favorite state that sounds like it`s a small soft drink.
A shark will only attack you if you’re wet.
Currently helping my son look for his chocolate that I ate last night.
Men also have feelings. For example, we can feel hungry.
There may be no excuse for laziness, but I`m still looking.
I remember the days when I could refer to my knees as right and left. Now I refer to them as the good and bad knee.
Confuse your doctor by putting on rubber gloves at the same time he does.
A week is just five days of wishing you had nothing to do followed by two days of wishing you had something to do
There is a 3-for-2 sale in my local shoe shop. I almost bought myself a new pair of shoes, but couldn`t decide whether to get an extra left or a right one as part of the offer....
I`m that friend you have to explain to people before you introduce me... And apologize for after.