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My daughter just explained to me that these dinner postings were not real invites. I have to apologize to all my friends out there for showing up last week.
Ok honey don’t freak out, but someone broke into the house, ate all the ice cream, smashed that picture of your mother, and didn’t do the dishes.
Girl: What color are my eyes? Guy: 34C
Guys if a woman shaves hers legs she wants you to touch them..... You just have to make sure she knows You.
Keep calm and pretend today isn’t Monday.
I remember when going viral meant having to tell several people they better get tested.
If I agreed with you we´d both be wrong.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man
Sometimes I feel moderately intelligent. Other times I have to sing the “ABCs” in my head to remember which letter comes next.
Just because I’m smiling, doesn’t mean I don’t want to hit you in the face.
Admit it, you`ve answered Dora at least once in your life.
My To-Do list for today is just a bunch of things I wanna eat.
Pizza will never tell you you`re fat unless you`re high as sh!t, then pizza is probably suggesting you fight an aardvark to lose weight.
You know what I just realized that in school they teach you not to do what you don`t want to do yet they still give us homework and we get in trouble because we didn`t want to do it ( confused )
From what I can piece together, this Pitbull character enjoys "partying"