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Is going to bed! Hopefully the Cleaning Fairies will come and clean my house tonight! Wishful Dreaming i guess!
You only live once.......Unless someone has a defribrilator
My most frequent walk of shame is from one bathroom to the other with the plunger
All women are crazy. But, if you pretend to listen to them when they talk, they will let you live.
Zebras are just horses that escaped from prison.
The right man will love you unconditionally, will be loyal, and will always be happy to see you. ... Oh wait, That`s my dog. My dog does that.
can be sympathetic, empathetic, compassionate, welcoming, loyal, trust-worthy, forgiving, understanding, and giving. But not to today!
My inner child has a bottle of vodka in one hand, a whip in the other and a broken halo sticking out of her back pocket.
Target had a credit card breach? But only with in-store purchases, not online? More proof you`re better off staying home with no pants on.
Is it sexual harasment to say ho ho ho to a female coworker?
I`ll be glad when it`s warm enough to pee outside!
If you give up smoking, drinking, and sex, you don’t live longer, just seems longer.
My doctor is concerned about my high blood pressure. I told him, next time, don`t leave me sitting in the waiting room for two hours.
It`s always darkest before the dawn. So if you`re going steal your neighbor`s newspaper that`s be the time to do it.
Wouldn`t it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for 10 mins and come out wrinkle free and 2 sizes smaller...