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I just passed the local college and saw 3 very fit young ladies with very tight yoga pants walking to class...I have never been so motivated to return to college.
The first order of business for the 115th Congress: blaming everything on the 114th Congress.
Sometimes I wish I could appear offline in real life too
If your man is reluctant to talk about his feelings, it’s probably because you haven’t told him what they are yet.
If you can’t celebrate Valentine’s Day with someone you love, celebrate it with alcohol and pizza.
I have the same thought when I watch horror flicks as when I watch my wedding videos. I should have known who the psycho was much sooner.
That awkward moment when you gently toss your phone on the bed and it bounces off 3 walls, breaks 2 lamps and kills a cat...
Have you guys seen the new documentary about white trash? I only saw the trailer.
Husband for sale: 1972 model, white in colour, a bit hard on gas but comes with a spare tire.
if truth is what u want...in return alcohol is all I want...
I`ve had enough of my neighbours blasting their music from their backyard. I`m not annoyed cause it`s so loud, i`m annoyed cause they`re Korean & they`ve still yet to play Gangnam Style!
Learning to "stop drop and roll" in elementary school lead me to believe catching on fire would be a much more frequent problem in life.
The reason why women will never be the ones to propose is because as soon as she gets on her knees, he will start unzipping his pants
Never go on a blind date with a friend! She was so big when i took her home she went to my backyard and started grazing.
I just found a $100 bill laying on the floor in the checkout lane. I don`t even have to try to find out who lost it, because it`s the same color, and has the same picture on it as the one I lost 2 years ago!! WooHoo, talk about fate huh??!!