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I don`t think my blind date was blind, she read the menu and caught the basketball I threw at her
I wonder how many dads named their sons Luke just so they can say "Luke, I am your father."....
Laugh if you will but this night-light has an undefeated record at repelling Boogeymen.
Some people post because they need attention and validation. Not me. (Thanks for reading this, the `Like` button is below)
Fact: 96% of all arguments end with somebody saying “Google that shit!”
It`s just a matter of time before they add the word "Syndrome" after my last name...
At Starbucks drive up window. Me: large iced chai please Them: you mean a venti? Me: large iced chai. Them: we call a large a venti. Me: Do you want a large tip or a venti tip? Them: large iced chai, please pull up.
The only time I`ve ever used sex to get what I want is when I want sex.
To a cop, doing donuts in a parking lot has a whole different meaning.
I`m just 1 nap, 8 beers, 2 orgasms and my own personal robot away from this being the best day ever.
Jail is just the government`s way of sending you to your room.
I was disappointed to learn that ‘landlady’ isn’t the opposite of a mermaid.
Maybe don`t show me a picture if you don`t want me to rate your baby.
That sound you hear when you already closed the cupboard & hear something fall -yeah, that’s the sound of someone else’s problem.
Do girls that make duck faces in pictures walk in a V formation at the mall?