Daily Silly Status

I`m gonna start a secret porn industry and call it "The Illuminaughty"

3 horrible facts: 1. Today is not Friday... 2. Tomorrow is not Friday... 3. The day after tomorrow is not Friday...

So after vacuuming with the new Dyson, I`m pleasantly surprised to learn that the carpet upstairs is actually hardwood.

The only time I proof read is to see how much alcohol comes in a bottle.

My level of sarcasm has reached a dangerous level where even I don`t know if I`m kidding or not.

Jack daniel was found dead by johnie walker at castle strt under savanna tree,captain morgan believed dat he was killed by strongbow.his 4cuzns said that he was best in j&b club at knights...

I think it’s pretty cool how Chinese people made a language made entirely out of tattoos.

Stop calling them rednecks. The term is NASCAR-Americans. Y`all.

I get a lot of “You must work out!!!” I just wish it wasn’t from doctors. :(

I`m not feeling myself today..... Perhaps I should feel someone else.

Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.

I once had a goldfish that could break-dance on carpet, but only for like 20 seconds...

I wish people`s voices actually sounded the way they do when their spouse or partner imitates them during an argument.

Beer: The WD40 for conversations.

Sign in a grocery store: Take lettuce from top of stack, or heads will roll!