Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
What kind of paperwork do I need to fill out to get a permit to set my children free in the wild?
Dear Mother-in-Law, Do not tell me how to handle my child, I am living with one of yours and he needs a lot of improvement.
Birth Control Pills should be for men. It makes much more sense to unload a gun than to shoot at a bulletproof vest.
I will always love you, even if I have to from no closer than 300 feet.
I just read that Lindsay Lohan is headed for rehab. It`s like 2008 all over again. Or 2009. Or 2010. Or 2011. Or 2012
slugs are snails that are going through a divorce
Life Tip: Get a birthday card with anything you are embarrassed to buy.
If my life was a GPS it would constantly be recalculating
Hello everyone. Look at your status, now back to mine, now back to yours, now back to mine. Sadly, yours isn’t mine. But if you stopped posting about other things and made this your status, yours could be like mine. Look down, back up. Where are you? You’re on Facebook, reading the status your status could be like.
This one time, I got trapped inside a couch cushion fort for like 47 days cause I forgot to put a secret door on it.
Whoever said time heals all wounds never had their leg bitten off by a shark.
When asked how I take my coffee, I reply with, "Seriously. Very seriously."
That awkward moment when you gently throw your phone onto your bed and it decides to bounce off 3 walls, Knock over a lamp, and kill a cat.
FACT: There’s always room for another cupcake.
I’m actually not funny. I’m just really mean and people think I’m joking.