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Women are like bacon: They look good, They smell good, They taste good, And they will kill you slowly.
Oh and BTW,,, Why haven`t Pig Pen`s parents been visited by child services yet?
My Memory.....The Second shortest thing I have.
Your car took up two spaces, I tried to move it over with my key.
It is kinda at the point where everything in my life is a movie reference
Siri, destroy the vehicle in front of me.
A "long story" is just a short story that no one wants to tell.
The monent of triumph when your bag is the first off the plane.
Pouring a bucket of white marbles into the hippo pen will result in a lifetime ban from the zoo no matter how hungry they look.
Think about how much more stressful life’s most stressful moments would be if accompanied by the running-out-of-time music in Mario Bros.
In my will, I´m giving $50 to anyone who wears a Scream costume to my funeral and doesn´t say a word.
I have an eating disorder; I`m about to eat dis order of fries, dis order of wings, and dis order of nuggets.
Campers: Nature`s way of feeding mosquitoes.
Celebrate Valentines Day responsibly, or you`ll be celebrating Thanksgiving in a maternity ward
I need a bank to do two things for me: give me a loan and leave me alone