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Just for kicks I posted "I won the LOTTERY" on Facebook. One girl liked it, then replied to the inbox message I sent her in 2010. *Blocked*
People who try to test my patience don`t realize it`s an exam I don`t plan on passing
My fortune cookie read "End of roll. Replace"
Our phones fall, we panic. Our friends fall, we laugh.
Very excited to announce I`m on the market and actively looking for someone new to make me miserable
Don’t be upset that you’re single; be happy that someone isn’t ruining your life.
If the Internet was never invented... what would we all be doing now?
Nobody cares what you`re gonna do in 2015. Now post some nudes.
What if , one day you randomly wake up and realize that you`re whole life was just a dream.
Everything just seems much better when you`re in denial
These Days everything is really starting to Click!.......My knee`s, my elbows, and the rest of my joints!
Offering a hobo $5 from across the street is my version of Frogger.
How dare the NFL build walls to keep fans that haven`t paid for a ticket from entering the game!
Bands who can`t afford a smoke machine should hire my girlfriend to cook at their concert
If you leave me a voice mail that asks me to call you back at my convenience you have no one to blame but yourself.