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Nothing is impossible. I know a man that once guessed correctly why a woman was mad at him.
Will be drunk until further notice.
Who do Walmart shoppers make fun of?
Dear Noah, we could have sworn you said the arc wasn`t leaving until 5. Sincerely, unicorns.
But in my most troublesome times, I looked down and saw only one set of footprints. I asked the Lord why, and He replied that sand people ride single file to hide their numbers.
Hi, we`re a group of teens who solve mysteries! We wanna be taken seriously so we wrote a theme song about how we can`t ever find our dog.
Putting your finger on someone`s lips and saying "Shhhh... Not another word." is super-romantic. But the cop didn`t think so.
I sooo did not want to go on a run today but those cops came out of nowhere.
I keep an identical glass of vodka next to the water on my bedside table for a refreshing morning game of Russian Roulette
People were shocked when they found I wasn`t a good electrician. :-)
I`m sorry. . . I didn`t mean to stare. . . it`s just that I have never seen stupid of this magnitude up close before
When my dog sniffs another dog’s poop I can only assume that it’s their equivalent to checking a friend’s facebook page.
I put the whiskey in another room ... Exercise regimen established.
Every pizza is a personal pizza if you eat the entire thing.
Now they are saying that the Zika virus is sexually transmittable. What kind of pervert is having sex with a mosquito?