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I get in this weird mood where I don`t want to talk to anybody and just want to be left alone. I call this mood `Awake`
No thanks, alcohol free mouthwash, my life is depressing enough.
The first step to admitting you have a problem is having a problem.
I will never understand why my fridge has a drawing of a carrot on the beer drawer.
All I ask is that if we arm the teachers, that the librarians get silencers.
I love how twix come with two bars so I can eat one now and the other immediately after
When I`m bored, I send a random text to a random number saying "I hid the body... now what?"
Just realized all books are different combinations of the same 26 letters. This is BS!
Why do people with bad breath always have to tell me secrets???
Someday, the time I waste deciding what to watch on Netflix will be shorter than the actual time watching it
FACT: The higher pitched my "hey!" the greater the chance I don`t remember who you are.
Exercise by running up the street knocking on all the doors. - Jehovah`s Fitness.
It`s scientifically proven that stress is caused by giving a f*ck.
Sometimes i wish i was an octopus, so i can slap eight people @ once!
Ways to Win my Heart: Buy me Beer Bring me Beer Be Beer.