Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I was gonna take over the world this morning but I overslept. Postponed ... Again.
Sit-ups are my favorite form of exercise because I get to lay down every few seconds.
Most people decide to have scramble eggs immediately after thinking: "I`ll just flip this omelette"
Sometimes putting on pants is the hardest part of my day.
I don`t see the point of sex if the neighbours don`t hear it.
They say `No news is good news,` but I think it just means I have a lazy paperboy.
....so then I said, "What gives YOU the right to judge ME?" And then he gets all, "Order in the court!" and starts pounding his gavel down...
As a kid, my parents told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, this is called "Identity Theft".
Ever notice your Christmas stocking has just enough room for chocolates and a bottle of wine. Coincidence? I don`t think soooo.
I`m known all over the world for my exaggerations.
Pretending to be a functioning adult is exhausting.
If life gives you melons, you may be dyslexic.
Apple and Blackberry should team up and make a phone called the Pie.
Attention...my facebook page has been hacked. But everyone seems to like the new guy better, me too actually...so f**k it!
Hey ladies breastfeeding in public, why don`t you ever smile in my pictures?