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My goal today is to lose this hangover and earn another
If playing Grand Theft Auto makes you violent, why hasn`t 25 years of me playing Madden made me a professional football player?
I love screwing with the minds of the foreign tech support guys. "My name is Perry, not Terry. With a P as in Pterodactyl."
Well that`s a wrap on another day where I act like I know what I`m doing.
Today`s Generation: "Omg my parents never let me have anything." via iPhone
I wish computer companies would design a keyboard with a removable crumb tray, kinda like my toaster.
Unless otherwise stated, I have no idea what I’m talking about.
How dare you incinerate that I don`t know big words.
I spent yesterday painting some kickass flames on a car. I bet whoever owns it was stoked when they came out of the mall.
The decline of civilization started when they stopped putting toys in boxes of cereal.
A girl drinks 4 cosmos over a span of 60 minutes. 25 mins later, she texts 3 of her besties. How many emojis will she use? Show your work.
I don`t know why they call it Everclear. I drink that stuff and everything is a blur.
I once dated a woman who thought windmills were solar powered. I`m so glad I don`t drink anymore.
If he only wants you for your breasts, legs, and thighs; Send him to KFC by SIMO
Women fall in love by what they hear. Men fall in love by what they see. That’s why most women wear makeup and most men lie.