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“Hangover” makes it sounds like it’s all done now. I’d like to propose the term “hanghappening”.
I told the monster in my closet that coming out of of there would make him gay, haha problem solved ....
My girlfriend and I have an open relationship and will continue to do so right up until she finds out.
I`ve decided I`m not going to focus on my past anymore. So, if I owe you money, I`m sorry.
How long do I have to wear these skinny jeans before they start working?
Yes it may sound childish but if it glows in the dark I still get freaking exited.
They should make an app that tells me how many Oreos I can eat for every mile I jog.
Ironically the only way I`d watch the 50 Shades of Grey movie is if you tied me to a chair and forced me to.
i hate it when other people hate the person i hate!!!
They keep telling me theres plenty of fish in the sea, but I havent caught one in years, soooo I continue to sit here, holding my rod.
If someone throws a rock at you, throw a flower back at them, but, make sure the flower is still in the pot..
I`m so old I remember when water was free and you had to pay for porn.
"Are you completely sure this isn`t textable?" - the perfect voicemail prompt
Let’s be the generation that stops putting things in our butts and having to go to the emergency room to get them taken out, shall we?
Know what? If they had Neosporin back in 1931, that nasty scar on Frankenstein`s forehead would have been far less noticeable.