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People say, “You have to work on a marriage.” I say, “No thank you. I already have a job
I hear my ex is now into orgies, or at least that`s what the Craigslist ad I just posted on her behalf said.
Happy New Years Everyone! (I stole this status:) )
Just because leggings stretch dont mean yo 465 pound a$$ should be in them!
Somewhere, right this minute, someone is reading this sentence.
Apparently, I`m the only one that wants to drink beer at this intervention.
Are the unmarried employees at Kraft known as Kraft singles?
Nothing says I have faith in God like the bullet proof glass on the Pope`s car.
Theme parks can snap a clear picture of you on a rollercoaster at 70mph, but bank cameras can`t get a clear shot of a robber standing still.
I once shot a man with a paintball gun just to watch him dye.
Chinese food to go: $16.84. Gas to go get it: $2.62. Getting home and realizing they forgot one of your containers: Riceless.
We are living in a generation where Vampires are sparkly,Werevolves are gay and Witches wear leather pants.
was going to argue with you...but then I remembered I really didn`t care
I`m so proud of myself, I spent all night putting my Christmas decorations up myself.. I`m now at the hospital having them removed
Oh really? It takes fewer muscles to smile than to frown? How many muscles does it take to mind your own business