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You wouldn`t believe all the cool stuff I find when I`m under my bed playing.
Hunting is easier for vegans because it’s easier to sneak up on plants.
So much to say. So not drunk enough to say it.
"Lets all put our phones down and talk with each other.." - Someone who has run out of phone battery.
spank me, its the only way i`ll learn.
My doctor is getting really tired of me asking if the stuff I see in commercials is right for me.
Not sure what my spirit animal is, but I am sure it has rabies
It doesn’t matter how many signs I put up around the office, HR said high five a co-worker in the face with a shovel day isn’t a thing.
Help keep America beautiful. Stay in your house today.
If you get a new job before you quit your old one, it`s considered responsible. But if you do that with your gf, it`s called "cheating."
Here’s your social security card. It’s paper & has to last you forever. Don’t laminate it. Good luck! -The Government
Sorry, just got your text. Are we still on for last night?
Sometimes you`ve got to ask yourself: "Why am I talking to myself?"
It`s a good thing not everyone has a smartphone. Someone has to honk when the light turns green.
Don`t worry, kids. Being an adult is mostly just googling how to do stuff.