Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
And then her mood ring just...exploded
Nothing says you`re ugly like Facebook asking, "are you sure you want to make this your profile picture ?"
Superman and Batman probably had a lot of "capes in the toilet water" accidents when they went to take a dump.
Calm down, take a deep breath and hold it for about 20 minutes.
I gave up on humanity when I picked up this girl`s phone and saw that my number was saved as Free Food.
I`ve been taking viagara for my sunburn........ It doesn`t cure it...... but it does keep the sheets off my legs at night.
In terms of procrastination, I`ve had a very productive day.
Any guy can seem cool on a motorcycle. If you really want to know what kind of man you`ve got, watch him walk through a spider web.
I am who I am, your approval is not needed.
I would be a great procrastinator ... if I could ever get around to it.
Why do they call a status a status if it already happened? I mean, shouldnt it be called History?
It`s pretty neat how owning a pool gives me an excuse to own every chemical needed to make a body completely disappear.
A hypnotist is just someone that tries to roofie you with jazz hands.
I dont believe in beating my kids, so I make them wear a Justin Bieber shirt & crocs to school so the other kids will do it for me.
Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because your fingerprints aren’t in the database.