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Pizza: nah, Sex: eh, Drinking: no thanks, It`s so hard thinking of what to give up for Lent...
I`d feel totally comfortable dating a zombie because I`d know she loved me for my brains and not just my body.
superbowl: the only time I actually look forward to watching commericals.
It`s friday!! I smell vodka ;)
You`re never too old to learn stupid sh!t
Lord, help me be the person my psychiatrist medicates me to be.
Did the Baha Men ever find their dogs? Did they put up posters or just sing that song?
Are there actually people who get out of the shower to pee? I want to meet them.
When you`re a kid, dick jokes are considered adult content, but when you`re an adult, they`re considered immature.
To Do: Figure out how to get paid to travel the world and eat.
Just finished building Rome with Legos. Took me a day.
It takes patience to listen. It takes skill to pretend you’re listening.
I bet if you asked a one-eyed person, they`d tell you it really WAS all fun and games up until that point.
All I want is less to do, more time to do it, and higher pay for not getting it done.
I thought we had something. You met my family, made me dinner, called me honey. Now suddenly you’re a “waitress” who was “doing her job?”