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10 REASONS WHY I`M LAZY... you know what? Never mind. I can do this later.
I wish I could google the things I’ve misplaced.
I wrote a song about a tortilla actually its more of a wrap.
My wife said we could have a three way "when pigs fly" so I showed her a police helicopter.
I sometimes ask myself, "What would Jesus do?", and then I think, Jesus wouldn`t be caught up in this sh*t.
Whenever my son questions my knowledge on any subject, I just remind him that I`m older than the Internet.
Here`s a joke for all you mind readers...
Sometimes I feel like people I know are just using me for my likes.
If we could master the look dogs have when we’re eating in front of them, we’d be able to have sex with any woman at will.
Do not worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older it will avoid you.
Saying "cool" also means, I don`t give a sh!t.
I just quit my job at the helium bottling plant. I refuse to be spoken to in that tone!
I give up on life! I have better luck playing Monopoly...or Clue...
Give a man a beer and he wastes an hour, teach him how to brew, and he wastes a lifetime.
I wonder what the inventor of the drawing board said when his first design didn’t work out.