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That awkward moment when you give the same Hallmark card two years in a row.
I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness, so I don’t intimidate you.
I know you think you´re interesting because you have an accent. But a drunken slur is not an accent.
Put glitter on top of all your friends ceiling fans blades........... Wait till summer... Enjoy!
I always confuse the words exotic and erotic. That made for a very awkward conversation at my local pet store.
Dracula had impeccable hair for a guy who couldn’t see himself in a mirror.
My wife told me, "I look really fat. Please make me feel better and compliment me." I said, "You have perfect eyesight."
Nobody on television curses more than the Roadrunner.
You`d think the chances of putting in a USB drive wrongside-up would be 50-50, but nope, 90-10.
B!tch life isn`t a garden ... So stop being a hoe!
Is it rude to put *vomits* under someone`s post ?
I`ve been sober 136 days. Not in a row, but still...
If it wasn`t for physics and law enforcement, I`d be unstoppable.
If everyone would just be naughty next year, Santa would bring us all coal ... energy crisis solved!
morning i hate girls evening i need girls