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How do you play religious roulette? You stand around in a circle with your friends and blaspheme, and see who gets struck by lightning first.
I`m sick to death of these letters from the City of College Station bullying me to mow my grass! If Walmat can prepare for Christmas 3 mths in advance why can`t I do the same for Easter!!!??
When I find it, I don’t need it. When I need it, I can’t find it…
Last night I meant to tell my kids "Good night, I love you", but it came out as "Thank god you go back to school on Thursday because this is bulls**t."
Karma takes too long ..... I`d rather beat the sh%t out of you.
Jellyfish have survived here on Earth for 650 million years without brains. Great news for most of you.
1. OMG will this ever end? 2. OMG will this ever end? 3. OMG will this ever end? - top 3 things on my mind when I`m in a conversation
that awkward moment when a bug or fly lands on your computer screen in your first reaction is to scare it away with the cursor.
I enjoy a bit of unnecessary swearing as much as the next f*cker.
B!tch Please, your only fan is the one on your ceiling.
Are you bored? Go to someone`s Facebook wall, Scroll down 4 months and like something.
There`s nothing like the laughter of a baby....unless you`re home alone at 1 am...and you don`t have children...
The only thing instant glue sticks to instantly is fingers.
Teacher:If I had 2 oranges in my left hand and 2 mangoes in my right hand, what would I have?? Student:Big hands!!
Youth is wasted on the young.