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I have a hidden talent......I really wish I could find it!
The sooner you fall behind the more time you´ll have to catch up.
When God closes a door, it usually has my fingers in it.
I saw a midget carrying a tv to his car today. I said "hey, would you like some help with that plasma?" He said "f*ck off asshole, it`s an IPad!"
Sometimes I meow back at cats.
I´m a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect!
oh look at the time, it`s time to not care
Why do we only crave what`s bad for us? Alcohol, deep fried food, cake... You never hear anyone say "I`d kill for some salad."
I don’t mind going to work. It’s that eight-hour wait to go home that bugs me.
Ladies, Admit it. Sometimes you look down at your own boobs and think "Wow, these are Awesome!"
A real ice cream truck would have melted by now.
I just want to be rich enough to tell my boss, "you`re not the boss of me"!
If anyone knows Phillip tell him I have a bunch of his screwdrivers.
When you are not happy and would like to go back to being young, think of Algebra!
I feel like a nickle in the March of Dimes.