Mobile App Coming Soon - Daily Silly Status

Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

I`m just going to put an "Out of Order" sticker on my forehead and call it a day.
I hate it when my fat makes me look fat.
Don`t ask me stupid questions and I won`t hurt your stupid feelings.
"Have you been drinking . sir?" asks the policeman. "Go Pikachu! Thunderbolt!" "Sir, did you just throw a hamster at my head?"
Sir, your burrito is $5.97. With guacamole, your total comes to $386,932.32
I sometimes check my blocklist to see how my prisoners are doing
Nothing like working out to make you feel like you deserve that burger and fries.
I go from "Hard to get" to "Hard to get rid of" in 6 beers flat.
My boyfriend woke up this morning with a huge smile on his face. I love sharpies
Was that lightning? ... No, they`re taking pictures for Google Earth.
There are two key elements to success. 1) Never tell anyone everything you know.
I`m going to stop off at the fabric store before my next status to get some new material!
Top 5 things I stare into: 1) My phone. 2) The fridge. 3) Space. 4) The abyss. 5) Your windows.
Benefits of dating me: 1. You`re the sane one.
Boomerangs can be quite dangerous if you`ve got alzheimers.