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Just once I would like to read a warning label that says "May cause permanent weight loss, remove wrinkles, and increase energy."
The self-checkout line was a miracle for the condom industry.
Weather forecast for tonight: dark
I can`t believe it`s been a year since I didn`t become a better person....
Whoever said money can’t buy happiness didn’t know where to shop and where to spend it
Sarcasm and orgasm. Two things most people don`t get. Those who do are smiling right now.
Please drink responsibly this weekend and don`t drink and dri......Wait this is Facebook, most of you probably won`t leave the house! ... Good talk!
Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.
In my experience, the quickest way to escape Jury Duty? As they read out the charges, yell out, "Oh c`mon...even I`ve done THAT!"
Since It`s summer here`s a little advice, best way to beat the heat is to wear a San Antonio Spurs jersey
I like to punish people who ask me how I`m doing by giving them a detailed description of how I am doing.
Went shopping alone and the cashier asked, "How are you guys doing?" Now I`m 90% sure he can see ghosts and one is following me around.
It must be very hard to be a Nigerian lawyer who specializes in international inheritance law.
I`m single by choice. Just not my choice.
Dear karma, I have a list of people you missed.