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Edward Scissorhands will never win a game of rock, paper, scissors.
It’s like nobody ever considers the consequences of getting to know me.
Please drink responsibly this weekend and don`t drink and dri......Wait this is Facebook, most of you probably won`t leave the house! ... Good talk!
Imagine being naked in a room full of people who speak a different language and everyone wants to touch you. That is the life of a dog.
Respect your elders. They made it through school without Google and Wikipedia.
Say no to drugs! Then again, if you`re talking to drugs, you`re probably already on drugs.
It`s 2014 and somehow we still don`t have a car mirror that can make objects appear exactly as far away as they are.
You`ll never see me on Hoarders because I can`t afford that much sh!t.
Think about how much more stressful life’s most stressful moments would be if accompanied by the running-out-of-time music in Mario Bros.
Don`t have sex man, it leads to kissing and pretty soon you will have to start talking to her..
The phrase "the truth shall set you free" does not apply to murder.
I wish I had Dora`s mom and dad, they let that girl go everywhere.
Ever noticed that `beer can` in a british accent sounds exactly like `bacon` in a jamaican accent?
I’m bored. Anyone need anything avenged?
Duct tape can`t fix stupid, but it can muffle the sound.