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lol <- looks like a stick man drowning. lol
When people start praying before a meal, I close my eyes and imagine how far I could throw a potato if I really put my heart into it.
Having children is a fantastic source of free labor.
I like to pee on car windows in subzero weather, happy scraping
Lets be honest. Half of life is messing up and half is frantically trying to fix it.
"This isn`t my first rodeo" -Guy at his second rodeo
I like candle lit dinners, romantic walks on the beach, and hardcore pornography.
it`s friday o clock
I wonder how many couples would still be together if they traded phones for a weekend
Not everything on CNN is fake news. Some of it is commercials.
None of my girlfriends even know they`re dating me.
I`d engage you in a battle of wits, but I`m afraid you`re unarmed.
If my ceiling fan could hold my weight, I`d never be bored again.
"I`ve had so much coffee, I got halfway to work and realized I forgot my car."
My bedroom is perfect for a one night stand, but there’s no room for two night stands.