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Alcohol goes in, truth comes out.
A good office manager never let`s you run out of ink, paper or vodka
Fun game: Borrow some tools from your neighbor and return them one by one covered in blood, until they move...
Things I hate about work: 1. Waking up 2. Humans 3. Working
45 minutes on the treadmill is no big deal if you don`t turn it on
If you watch the Twilight movies backwards, Kristen Stewart still can`t act.
Why is it that the instant I buy new chap stick, the old one magically reappears?
If you use the word "gay" to desrcribe something that is "merry or happy" then you`re gay.
Things people say after watching a movie: 5% - I can’t wait for the sequel. 5% - That was a great movie. 5% - That was a complete waste of money. 85% - I gotta pee!!
Still waiting for the moment when there will be a "add to wishlist" button on people`s facebook profile !!
Before you judge me, know that I don`t give a crap. Ok, go ahead.
None of my girlfriends even know they`re dating me.
My participation in this meeting will be based solely on the snacks they provide.
The number of red lights you will hit while driving are directly proportional to how bad you have to pee.
I used to think I was good at multi-tasking. Turns out it’s just my multiple personalities doing one task at a time.