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How to find the perfect husband: Play monopoly with him. if he chooses the iron, he`s the one
I`m not as smart as I used to be but then again you can`t stay a teenager all of your life.
It saddens me to think that I`ll never be able to watch my own a$$ as I walk away :(
A telephone survey says that 51 percent of college students drink until they pass out at least once a month. The other 49 percent didn`t answer the phone.
I just saved a ton of money on my car insurance! ..By driving away and not leaving a note.
I like to take, long, romantic walks, to the fridge. <3
If you give a man a fish you kinda suck at picking out gifts.
Please just put it in the fridge.... We`ll throw it away next week.
Apparently “cheesecake & tacos” wasn’t the answer the interviewer was looking for when he asked me what my weaknesses are.
If you`re really really quiet, you can hear yourself doing the world a favor.
I wish banks would do a better job of keeping their ATMs filled. This is the fourth one I`ve been to that is saying "Insufficient Funds."
Girls are a lot like oceans, beautiful and deep, but once a month, it`s shark week.
The only thing Facebook has ever done for me is make me realize a lot of my friends are idiots.
What is it about being blind that makes people want to walk their dog all the time?
thinks it`ll just be my luck to win the Lottery tonight ...... and the world WILL end tomorrow!