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According to a recent survey, 98% of people responded with `Go away.`
My interventions would be so much more effective if every single reason I drink wasn`t there
This lady in Walgreens is staring at me like she`s never seen anyone put on deodorant and then put it back on the shelf.
We can operate a robot on another planet, but yet I`m still struggling to get this vending machine to take my wrinkled dollar.
I`m not the sort of person you should put on speakerphone.
If someone`s mean to you, just lean in and whisper "I`m a Barbie girl in a Barbie world" to them & get that monstrosity stuck in their head.
There’s no “I” in team and coincidentally none in "Go f*ck yourself" either.
I just read more people are killed by toasters than sharks.So if you`re swimming in the ocean and see a toaster SWIM FOR YOUR LIFE!
Step aside coffee, this job is going to take hard liquor.
Never trust a man wearing more than 0 necklaces.
I found the key to happiness ... Stay away from a$$holes.
They called themselves geologists because stoners was already taken.
I will resolve to spend less time on Facebook..............ok, got that one out of the way.....................
50% of people believe sex is "the connecting of two people`s souls through two people`s bodies, as one." The other 50% are men.
I`ve been diagnosed with a chronic fear of giants. Feefiphobia.