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If anyone asks, I`m drinking all this wine to collect corks for a pinterest project.
Teenage girls hang out in odd numbered groups because they literally can`t even.
I consider my body less of a temple and more of a ruin.
To a woman, sexual harassment is when a man makes advances towards her. If a woman makes advances towards a man, we call that getting lucky.
Was born with a rare condition called "Amazing"
Don`t tell me I have to say "Happy Holidays" so nobody gets offended. I will "Merry Christmas" the sh!t out of you.
Some people say having a child is the best experience in the world. These people obviously never had 2 thing fall from a vending machine at once.
Before Walmart, you had to buy a ticket to the fair to see a bearded woman.
Life is a constant battle between my love of food & not wanting to get fat.
Just found out my daughter`s super power is repeating what I`ve said about others as soon as she meets them.
I don’t mind going to work. It’s that eight-hour wait to go home that bugs me.
I am upping my standards.. so up yours!
never realized how awkward it is to study the reproductive system in a coffee shop.. until now.
Doctors are saying that each piece of bacon you eat takes 9 minutes off your life.... Based on the math, I should have died in 1732.
I`m so in Debt, I could start a Government.