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Just found some old sex coupons I got from an ex for my b-day. Any of you ladies take competitor`s coupons?
Note To Self: Even if someone really needs it, strangling them is still illegal.
Internet dating: the odds are good but the goods are odd.
My mom wanted to talk to me about my maturity today, but she didn`t know the password to my secret fort.
I have more conversations in my head than I do in real life.
I took out an ad for a girlfriend recently and 10 guys tried to give me theirs.
Where does Peter Pan have his lunch? At Wendy`s.
The way I figure it, whatever doesn’t kill me has lost it’s chance.
Some of the best decisions I`ve ever made involved me clicking cancel instead of send
Seven years ago today I swallowed bubblegum ... I`ll keep you all posted.
Peppermint schnapps might seem like a ridiculous drink, but nobody at work ever complains about my breath.
I`ve been repeating the same mistakes in life for so long now I may as well call them traditions.
?"May contain nudity".. either it does or it doesn`t.. quit waistin` my time.
Really, 6 more inches of snow today. My front yard is getting more action than me.
Newton`s third law of emotion. For every male action there is a female overreaction.