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I end a sentence with "just sayin" because ending it with "dumbass" would be offensive.
When it comes to bug protection, you just can`t beat "OFF!".
Before I lose my phone, end up naked, high, drunk and/or possibly arrested, I would like to wish you all a Happy Friday.
You guys know that there are things higher than kites, right?
How come know-it-alls don`t know how annoying they are?
Of course morning sex is better. You haven`t spent the day annoying the crap out of each other yet.
It’s my favorite time of the day: How long can I stare directly at my monitor and do absolutely nothing o’clock.
I hate it when people rub things in my face... unless it`s two boobs.
Just think of how different the world would be if Noah had eaten those two chickens.
Remember when the scariest thing we had to deal with was computers forgetting what year it was
24 hours in a day.. 24 beers in a case.. coincidence?
Actions speak louder than passive aggressive Facebook statuses.
I wish I could pick which brain cells the alcohol kills....There`s ALOT of crap I wish I could forget about.....
Apparently “finders keepers” does not include expensive cars in parking lots.
Today’s Generation: “Omg my parents never let me have anything.” via iPhone.