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One trenta cheeseburger please.
I hate it when people come to MY house, knock on MY door then have the nerve to ask me why I`m not wearing pants.
I totally tricked this woman into sleeping with me. All I had to do was put a ring on her finger and live with her for the rest of my life.
Sluts are just hookers with no grasp of economics.
How do people rap? I can’t even talk without messing it up.
Sometimes you`ve got to ask yourself: `Why am I talking to myself?`
Seems like 2013 was just yesterday.
It’s actually the voices outside my head that bothers me the most
Sometimes you have to burn a few bridges to keep the crazies from following you.
boss- "You cant drink while your at work!" .. me- "Oh dont worry im not working!!"
There`s no WE in pizza.
Here`s where I draw the line: ___________________________.
Cologne - because people shouldn`t have a choice whether or not they want to smell you.
I’m the type of person who looks at the menu for five minutes but ends up ordering the same exact thing every time.
I used to think I was good at multi-tasking. Turns out it’s just my multiple personalities doing one task at a time.