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It was love at first sight...I should have looked twice.
No matter how old you are, an empty Christmas wrapping paper tube is still a light saber.
I`ve disappointed a lot of people in my life, you`re not special.
This bulk box of peanuts I got from Costco tastes like styrofoam.
Standing up: Wow, I`m actually kind of skinny. Sitting down: Okay, maybe not..
Rappers seem to have an unhealthy interest in female dogs, don`t they?
And now it`s too hot outside to take down the Christmas lights
Jack The Ripper would be a great name for a fitness trainer.
Everything is legal when the cops aren`t around.
Money can’t buy you happiness? Well, poverty can’t buy you anything.
I`ve already had two beers which automatically means my day is already better than yours.
Seriousley.. The cuntestents in the 2013 speling beee contast hafe too now no the meening of the werd thay hafe been axed too spell. I coud rock that contast so eesy :))))) eg. The meening of "Easy". Anser: a kids oven
Actions speak louder than words, unless those words are spoken by a drunken woman.
One thing the porn industry has taught me is that this summer I defiantly need to get a job as a poolboy.
My "Savings Account" is just several pairs of unwashed jeans on the floor that may or may not still have change in the pockets.