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I bet Waldo’s parents are worried sick.
Quiet people have the loudest minds.
Person: You`re blocking the view. Me: B!tch, I am the view!
There are many different ways one can save energy, but my favorite by far is this recliner.
The older I get the more I understand Squidward`s anger.
Dear Equifax hackers, Please delete my student loan balance, my medical bills and change my credit score to 850. Thanks.
My ex girlfriend had a really weird fetish. She used to dress up as herself and then act like a f*cking b!tch all the time.
My girlfriend wants to get married. I hope she finds someone nice.
All the good ones are either taken or imaginary.
As I was signing into my email account instead of yahoo.com I typed hayoo.com...nope, it wasn`t right but I got to thinking it would be quite appropriate, afterall, we`re trying to get someone`s attention, right?
I give great marriage advice if you want to be divorced.
Apparently, walking up behind a hot guy in the produce aisle with celery in my hand and whispering "I`m stalking you" was much funnier in my head.
Good for you, people that do things.
My 5 year old set up the lemonade stand all by himself and, while I`m proud of him, I doubt he`ll make a lot of sales in the backyard.
has a Massive drinking problem ... there is no alcohol in the house!