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The only correct answer to "Are you ticklish?" is "I will kill you."
I always tell new hires, don`t think of me as your boss, think of me as your friend who can fire you`re ass
Lord, help me be the person my psychiatrist medicates me to be.
Don`t waste my timeline.
I have reliable inside information about Apple`s next product. I will not be able to afford it.
People are so predictable..I bet you`re even reading this status right now.
I was blown away when I realised the word " OK " is a side ways person.
Libraries were a good start, but we really need to keep working on the number of places where people shouldn`t be allowed to talk
Love your neighbor, but don`t get caught...
Dear math, please stop asking us to find your x. She`s not coming back. And we don`t no y either.
Sarcasm is wasted on the idiots who inspire it.
Honk if you want to see my finger.
I wonder if monsters ever get scared that we might be hiding under their bed?
My credit score is so bad I have started receiving pre-declined credit card offers
I`ve just been watching a documentary on marijuana...... I think all documentaries should be watched this way.