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I see the Seven Deadly Sins as more of a To-Do list.
Radio Shack has stayed in business with a name combining something no one buys anymore and a type of building no one wants to go into.
I pretend I’m taking an important call and use big words when old people walk by so they’ll think the future is in good hands.
I stay a bit overweight because it wouldn`t be fair to all the skinny people if I were this attractive, intelligent, funny, AND thin ... It`s a public service really.
If pigs could fly.. Would I be able to get high on bacon?
Anyone else has a plastic bag at home full of plastic bags?
I`m so old I remember when water was free and you had to pay for porn.
I sure do feel a whole lot more attractive at WalMart than I do at the gym.
Quick question, ladies: If you shave your eyebrows off and then draw them back on, what the hell are you doing?
Some people lack the ability to laugh at themselves ...That`s where I come in...
I used to like my neighbors until they changed the password to their wi-fi :)
This is supposed to be funny but I got nothing but do me a favour and like this...Yeah, okay, IM DESPERATE -.-
Hi I was calling about the $300/hour part time job I read about in a sexy ad I saw on an illegal torrent site. Are you guys still hiring?
Just because I know I`m a "Good looking, extremely intelligent, funny as hell, sexy ass, Motherf#ker" doesn`t mean I`m "Conceited"...Im more like a "Realist", that just so happens to be very good with adjectives!...A "Bad-Ass Realist", that is!
I have a tattoo of a gigantic bruise on my left ankle in case anyone ever asks me to go hiking. Or help them move.