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Why are people sad when potatoes can be cooked in like 200 ways?
Alcohol goes in, truth comes out.
My neighbor just spent $237.43 at the vet, that`s $1,662.01 in dog dollars.
There really should be awards for getting out of bed.
The fact that jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not having brains is great news for stupid people.
You laugh because I´m different. I laugh cause I just farted!
My date just saved me tons of money by simply saying, "no, I don`t want to be your valentine and stop texting me!"
A cop comes up to a man on the street. Cop: Seen anything unusual? Man: A dolphin with a hat once. Cop: I mean around here. Man: No, they live in water.
Just once I would like to see a liars pants actually catch on fire
My entire existence is just me sitting around waiting to get hungry again.
You know you are desperate for an answer when you look at the second page of Google.
You use Google every day but I bet you can’t remember the order of the colors.
There is 1 mosquito in my apartment. I have 50 bullets. Let`s dance.
Things ain`t nobody got time for: That
Can I get likes for no reason?