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not to brag but I finished this 14 day diet in 3 hours and 38 minutes.
**TORNADO WARNING** Everyone head to Giants Stadium. Safest place to avoid a touch down.
I keep forgetting how bad my memory has become
Insomnia causes questionable browser history.
There may be no excuse for laziness, but I’m still looking.
Not to brag or anything, but I got the high score on my scale today.
I just ordered a Life Alert bracelet so if I ever get a life I`ll be notified immediately.
If you believe in reincarnation then your tombstone should say “b.r.b” instead of “r.i.p”.
You know you had a good night when your first call the next morning is from the bank making sure your card wasn’t stolen.
You got your chocolate in my peanut butter!
Another funny thing about this status is when you finally realize that it talks about nothing? its all ready too late to stop reading. lol
Hi you`ve reached my voicemail,,, Please leave your name, number and a damn good reason why this conversation couldn`t be done over text
I may not be the smartest guy in the world, or the richest guy in the world, or the best looking guy in the world, but.... Oh, hell. Now I`m depressed.
Talking bout planets with my 8 yr old. He asked if you can just plow thru Uranus because it`s all gas. I cannot respond maturely.
I don´t suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.