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United States is where moms get a day and shark get a whole week.
I may or may not have just tried unlocking the wrong car for 15 minutes.
Nothing says “I don’t give a sh!t” like a Hawaiian shirt.
I`ll bet other dogs must think that poodles belong to some weird religious cult.
llllllloooollllll...........................i saw a donkey on a bike
Always love a woman for her personality. They have like ten so you can choose.
*Australian accent* Notice the wife in her natural habitat shaming the male husband species into doing what she wants!
The problem with marriage is that it was invented when people lived to the ripe old age of 30.
I have tons of friends! Well i only have one... but she ways a ton!
There`s a bald spot in my yard so I`m gonna let the grass grow around it really long and then do a comb over.
New rule: If I hold the door open for you and you walk by without thanking me I`m guaranteed at least one attempt on trying to trip you.
If anyone lost a roll of hundred dollar bills,with a rubber band around it...I found the rubber band....
My New Year`s resolution is to help all my friends gain ten pounds so I look skinnier.
There are no absolutes in this world. Except vodka.
If only there was a way to voice a highly uneducated opinion to thousands of people on a regular basis