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I wish my mind had a delete button.
To me, the worst part of the prostate exam is when the doctor says, "Guess how many fingers."
I don`t have any "driving the speed limit" music.
A recent survey of one person revealed that 100% of me thinks that I should leave work early.
Logging in to Facebook has become the equivalent of opening the fridge door and staring inside even though you`re not hungry.
People are always much more interesting before you get to know them.
How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
I bought my Ex a chair ... But the state won`t let me plug it in.
I`ve been around the block a few times, but then my neighbor realized I was drunk and helped me into my house.
You know those adorable idiosyncrasies you loved about your spouse when first dating? Well, after 10 years of marriage they become what the police refer to as "motive".
life is too short to match socks
Wives give sound advice. 99% sound, 1% advice.
You can`t make everyone happy, so just concentrate on me.
Lazy Rule#15325434090371466: you`re so lazy you didn`t even finish reading the number.
I don`t understand why people pay therapists when I`ll tell them what`s wrong with them for free.