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Please accept this bundle of fragrant plants grown expressly to be killed while in their prime as a token of my love for you.
You call it "Blacking Out" I call it a "Surprise Nap"
If you`re a girl and you drink Vodka... there`s a high probability, I love you.
I don`t throw anything out anymore I just go to TGI Friday`s once a month and glue more sh!t to the wall, no one notices, try it
If by "help decorate the tree" you mean drinking beer on the couch yelling out everything you`re doing wrong, then yeah, count me in.
Someone told me once that to have more confidence during sex, put in a live concert album while doing it. That way, you will hear applause every 3-4 minutes but I did it wrong. Accidentally put in a live concert album and all I heard was laughter!
The brain is the most outstanding organ, it works for 24 hours 365 days, right from your birth until you fall in love.
omg I just found out I`m allergic to exercise...at first I get all flushed, then I break out in a sweat, my heart starts pounding really fast, then I cant breath........i wont be doing that again!
I never run with scissors…those last two words were unnecessary.
MY MISSION IS COMPLETE!!! I have successfully wasted a little bit of your time today :) carry on!
Judging by the way some women wear makeup it`s rather obvious they didn`t excel at coloring as a kid ...
It`s only a matter of time until "Security cameras of Wal-Mart" become a hit reality show.
None of us have it as bad as the porcupine giving birth to another porcupine.
It`s kind of creepy that you noticed me staring at you.
I get more cleaning done in the ten minutes before someone comes over than I do in a week.