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My TV volume is always set at "f*ck the neighbors".
What this country needs is more unemployed politicians...
You can turn anything into a compliment if you`re delusional enough.
If I had a dollar for every time someone has told me to grow up, I could probably afford a whole arsenal of Super Soakers.
WARNING!! I have character defects and I`m not afraid to use them.
The best part about living by myself is not having to explain a lot of things......a LOT of things.
Abaaabbbbaaabbbaabbbaabb..... Long time no ` C ` ; P
The sound of children laughing makes me happy. Unless I`m home alone and my power goes out.
I bet Bruce Wayne sometimes accidentally signs his credit card receipts “Batman” when he’s drunk. I know I do.
People will believe anything if you whisper it.
They say you`ve got to spend money to make money. Feel like there`s some middle step I`ve been missing?
My New Years Eve = Hangover 4
Imagine my disappointment when I discovered a "Booby Prize" really wasn`t boobies at all...:(
Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you`ll be really far away from me with your motivational nonsense.
He said he liked surprises, but when I showed up late at night dressed as a clown and knocked on his window, it`s all screaming and sh!t.