Daily Silly Status

Who says nothing is impossible. I´ve been doing nothing for years.

A woman saying “I’m not mad at you” is like a dentist saying “You won’t feel a thing.”

They say in the near future computers will become more intelligent than people, really, the near future? I walk down the street and see girls who struggle with the difference between orange and tanned, guys who have no idea how a belt works, and all of them with less language skills then the average trained chimp. Computers? Hell I’ve got an alarm clock that’s smarter than most of them right now.

Ladys have it easy, if they ever do start to loose an argument they can just start playing with their boobs

Gatorade always has athletes in their commercials sweating and working hard. They really should target their real consumer. A Fat guy on the couch nursing a hangover. Is it in you?

Whenever I pick my Grandma up from the airport, I leave my left blinker on during the entire drive so she feels more comfortable.

Why do I get the feeling that a lot of you are using Facebook as a substitution for prescription meds?

Sorry I`m late, I was waiving my hands at a paper towel dispenser that turned out to not be automatic.

I wish I were an octopus so that the answer to all of my problems would be, `change color and escape in a cloud of ink`

When I find it, I don’t need it. When I need it, I can’t find it…

Does anyone have like twenty thousand dollars they don’t want? Asking for myself.

Last week a 13-year-old girl became the youngest female to climb Mount Everest. She didn’t mean to. She was just texting her friend and the next thing she knew she was on top of Mount Everest.

Fat, single and ready for a Pringle.

Thanks to my mom, I put my name on all of my underwear so they`re easier to spot when I go through the bar`s lost and found box.

If nobody comes from the future to stop you, how bad can the decision really be?