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How do they put the "do not walk on the grass" signs up?
My life is a constant cycle of waiting for the weekend and then not doing anything when it comes.
What idiot named them jet skis instead of boatercycles?
When I see you in hell I`ll still ignore you
If I was Neil Armstrong landing on the moon, "That`s one small step for man," would have been, "Screw you every girl who ever shot me down!"
Actually I don`t think it would be all that hard to get out of a pickle.
After opening this month`s electric bill, I am no longer scared of the dark.
Flu (noun) - The only time when having used tissues laying next to your bed is socially acceptable.
No one`s lazier than the guy who came up with the name for Juicy Juice.
Y`all are gonna lose your minds when Donald Trump eats a Snickers and turns into Bernie Sanders.
I was pretty disappointed when my boss said we can`t do throw-back Thursday, or bring tequila shots to work
Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
Don`t you hate it when you`re typing something and you`re thinking about something else so then you subconsciously type what you were boobies.
I may be too old to cut the mustard, but I can still cut the cheese.
Showed the kids here how to eat corn-on-the-cob typewriter style........ Now explaining typewriter.