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I`m going to be very disappointed if I go to England and nobody skips to the loo.
Growing up is when you go from using drugs for fun to using drugs for survival.
My Memory.....The Second shortest thing I have.
The only time I use the word “selfie” is when I am describing my sex life.
Saw a Mime doing his gig. I reached into my purse and pretended to throw money in his hat.
Does eating a gas station hot dog counts as a suicide attempt.
PRO TIP: Date someone who doesn`t drink vodka so she won`t drink all of yours.
I got passed by a Prius on the Interstate and now I’m legally required to pee sitting down.
If anyone is looking for an unlicensed helicopter pilot give me a call. . .
Someone asked me today what was the toughest thing about being a parent ... I would have to say it’s the kids.
I thought there`d be more sex during my sexual prime.
I could totally handle twins, triplets even quadruplets. Hold it, you`re talking about BABIES?
If two wrongs don`t make a right, try three.
I Don`t Care If you Don`t Like Me .. Iam Not A Facebook Status :D
I had lunch with a chess player yesterday. It took him 20 minutes to pass the salt.