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This liquor store needs a dollar menu.
Please do not read this.
Everybody values honesty, until they have an ugly baby.
Do these `Skinny Jeans` make my blood circulation look more than purple or less than purple?
I don`t speak Spanish, but I`m pretty sure "Dora" means "annoying"
Getting to places would be so much easier if I had a helicopter.
What do you get when you inject human DNA into a goat? Apparently banned from the petting zoo...
I`m happy, but not "Oprah just told me to look under my chair" happy.
Zoning out is your brain’s way of saying “You look bored. Let me take you to a better place.”
Some people just bring out the psycho in me
I`ve said it before and I`ll say it again: it before
Sometimes my life feels like a 40 year long episode of Punk`d...
According to the police, public masturbation is not considered a "street performance". Even if you have a hat on the ground on front of you.
You`re right, you didn`t ask that guy for a d!ck pic, but nobody asked for hundreds of pictures of your face either.
Vodka mixes well with everything, except decisions.