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I love going for walks in the rain. You can pee your pants and no one will be the wiser.
According to physics heat makes matter expand.....therefore I don`t have a weight problem....I`m just hot
Apparently, the answer `I know.` is not a good answer when your friend tells you how awesome his girlfriend is in bed.
If you’re going to walk really slowly in front of me you should at least have the courtesy to have a slammin booty.
Santa must be the bravest man around. Who else would let a bunch of deer pull them around in a sleigh during hunting season?
I`m surprised more killers haven`t lured their victims into their houses by blind folding them and promises of being on a febreze commercial
The problem with taking the road less traveled is the poor phone signal...
When I drink I become everybody`s friend which makes up for my hating everybody when I`m sober.
Shout out to the post office for delivering my recycling to me every day.
I’m a pervert, but in a romantic way.
Can anyone tell me how to become a illegal immigrant, their benefits are undeniably more superior to our own.
Looks like you have a lot on your mind. Do you wanna drink about it?
Ladies, I hate to break this to you, but curves and rolls are not the same thing.
I’ve spent way too much of my life wondering why food doesn’t rhyme with good.
“I’m sorry” and “my bad” mean the same thing… Unless you’re at a funeral.