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FYI fellas: if you wake up with some chick and you can`t remember her name, take her to Starbucks. They`ll write her name on the cup for ya!!!
I fell asleep on the couch last night & woke up thinking I was married.
can´t seem to find love. but its okay. I know exactly where the beer is.
"Grapey." -me after every wine at the wine-tasting
I always thought a chickpea was just when girls go to the bathroom in groups.
I really would like to take a yoga class. But I really can`t trust my farts.
I once overdosed on Viagra. My wife took it really hard.
Don`t forget to turn your clocks back today if you want them to be set to the wrong time.
Studies show that people with high sex drives also tend to be very forgetful. Did I tell you guys that already?
I`m great in bed" ~ breakfast
You can tell a man`s age by how close their socks are to their knees.
I told my wife that I have a sexual satisfaction guarantee policy. If you`re not completely satisfied, we`ll just do it all over again. Guaranteed.
The thought of having my own kids is scary because anyone who`s half me and half someone dumb enough to have sex with me is doomed
Facebook becomes 100 times more entertaining when you have work to do.
Idea: maybe the police force for a town of 20,000 shouldn`t have access to weapons you ordinarily need cheat codes to get