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I was bored of doing the same thing day in and day out,so I phoned the "Local Ramblers Club"....but the guy on the other end of the phone just went on and on and on!
For a guy who cant figure out how a remote works my dad sure has a lot of advice for Obama.
“Single and ready to mingle” is the fancy way of saying “Alone and desperate”
I go on dates just to remind myself that being single is awesome.
I think the Discovery Channel should be on a different channel every day.
The skeletons in your closet are suggesting that you upgrade to a double wide, walk-in.
When Life rains on your parade, get out the Slip-n-Slide.
This cashier looked at my 12 bottles of weed spray so weirdly, I suspect she`s never broken a lawnmower before.
Idiots are fun, no wonder every village wants one.
The only stock options I have are chicken and beef.
I’d slap you but I’m pretty sure they would call it animal cruelty.
"I`ve had so much coffee, I got halfway to work and realized I forgot my car."
RIP to my hair dryer. It was the only thing to blow me for the last 10 years and never complain.
First you told me to be myself now you`re telling to me not be an idiot. Make up your mind woman!
Who wants to go Smart Car Tipping?