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I just realized that if we drink enough wine, the adult`s table will become the kid`s table.
If abortion is murder then are condoms kidnapping?
Sometimes Google should just come back with a message that says "trust me, you don`t want to know."
I either want less corruption, or more chance to participate in it!
Still waiting for the day I can illegally download groceries
I can`t wait to procrastinate.
Be friend with stupid people.., feel like genius all the time
I don`t like making plans for the day, because then the pesky word "premeditated " gets thrown around in court.
If you run into someone you know and they say "we should hang out sometime", say "I`m ready to hang out now" and watch them panic.
If my company really wanted us to move during a fire drill, they`d lose the alarm and just announce that there`s free food by the stairs.
I don`t use my cell phone in the car... I have to keep my hands free for making gestures.
If you’ve gauged huge holes in your ears and don’t keep Oreo cookies in them for snacks then what the hell’s the point man?
Posting inspirational quotes online is the first sign to depression.
I’m totally fine with favoritism as long as I’m the favorite.
Did you know that if we laid all the facebook account owners end to end around the world. Three quarters of them would Drown? Hmm ....