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My first career was working as a Ventriloquist on a Radio Program, I got let go when people kept calling in to say my lips were moving.........
My kids think I`m uncool like I thought my parents where. Time to get even! ;)
If you give me a phone number or directions while I`m on the phone with you, just know that I`m using my very best finger pen and air paper.
Women`s magazines are so funny. 1: You`re beautiful and perfect just the way you are! 2: How to lose 20 pounds in 10 days.
Starbucks announced guns are no longer allowed in their stores. Seems crazy banks didn`t think of this.
I have lost my mind and I am making no effort to look for it.
That awkward moment when you`re telling the truth, but start laughing like crazy and everyone thinks you`re lying.
Why would you live in a place where the air hurts your face?
I think instead of doing laundry I`m just going to buy a second hamper...
Nobody looks back on their life and remembers the nights they had plenty of sleep.
Saying "think outside the box" is a pretty inside the box suggestion.
In the trailer for the fourth Transformers movie a guy says "what the hell is that" when a Transformer approaches. THE FOURTH MOVIE!
I`m going to become a hermit as soon as I find a cave with a decent wifi connection.
From what I can piece together, this Pitbull character enjoys "partying"
That awkward moment when you forget what you’re watching during the commercial break.