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When a guy texts a girl “hey stranger”, what he really means is “I’ve recently thought about trying to get in your pants again.”
I would like to remind everyone it`s not the size of the boat... Or the motion of the ocean, but the whether the boat is able to stay in port until all passangers have gotten off.
I know you people are crazy. I can spot my own kind a mile away.
Enough with the lies, people who drink decaf coffee, tell us what your game plan is.
Marriage, because sometimes ruining a person`s life takes serious commitment.
I don’t want to go to work. There are people there.
A hard thing about business is minding your own
That "No alcohol beyond this point." sign might as well say "I bet you can´t chug that whole beer!"
How do you know if your girlfriend is getting fat?...She fits into your wife`s clothes.
I am not judging you...I already decided I don`t like you
No thanks, cardio, this pot of coffee will get my heart rate up just fine
People who walk in front of the theatre screen while you`re watching a pirated movie on your computer are so rude.
Is it bad when I´m talking to myself and I´m not even listening?
I can`t really walk the walk, or talk the talk. But, if you need someone to drink the drink, I`m your man!
If a turtle doesnt have a shell, is it naked or homeless ?