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Let´s drink tequila till you don´t remember what I suggest next..
I’m classically trained in the art of Nintendo.
When God closes a door, it usually has my fingers in it.
Helpful Tip: Always remember to speak clearly when complimenting a woman`s boots...
Accidentally used AOL.com, I betting the employees there are celebrating and think they have a sure future.
"I got this." Translated: I most certainly do not have this, but prepare to be thoroughly entertained.
I`m not everyone`s cup of tea ... I`d rather be someone`s shot of tequila away.
when i was little my dad told me that the icecream man only played music when he ran out of icecream well played dad well played
Inviting a friend to play Candy Crush Saga is like hosting an intervention and providing the crack.
If you want to give me dirty looks for being at the liquor store at 9am, don`t be open.
You can usually judge a women`s hotness by how many times your girlfriend calls her a whore.
Underachieving Sunday through Wednesday, overachieving Thursday through Saturday.
Sometimes, I don`t know how I`m going to get through the day. Then I remember: I have beers waiting for me at home. I can do this for them
Guys be like, "Lets play 21 question." Girl: Ok, what`s your favorite color? Boy: Triangle, so you a virgin?
I hope my liquor store is having an after Christmas sale!!