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I may not have the best parenting skills; but, in my defense, my kids don`t have the best childing skills, either.
A new study has found that women with larger butts live longer than men who mention it.
You know your ugly when the dog has to close his eyes to hump your leg
Instead of exes, they should be called whys.
I bet if the movie "mirrors" releases part 3, the 1st victim will die while trying to take a selfie
Hey chicks that only post inspirational shit: we know you’re nuts.
I don`t care what people think of me. It can`t be half as bad as what I think of them...
I dont know whats more awkward, answering Dora, or sitting in silence while she stares at you.
It`s been close to a million years since I exaggerated about anything.
When fighting with a clown, always go for the juggler.
I`ve reached the age where happy hour is a nap.
My walk of shame is putting back the 9 boxes of assorted cereals that my wife found in the grocery cart.
7.1 billion people in the world. 0 willing to lower their standards and date me.
The real heroes are the people who live within driving distance of their in-laws.
Hi I was calling about the $300/hour part time job I read about in a sexy ad I saw on an illegal torrent site. Are you guys still hiring?