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wants to remind you this Halloween, that as a general rule, don`t solve riddles that open portals to Hell.
The human soul weights 1.2 lbs. I know this because I weighed myself before and after I got to work.
My retirement plan is just $1,000 & a plane ticket to wherever these kids are living on 15 cents a day.
It`s impossible to look like a bad ass while eating a snow cone.
Rum balls, rum cake, rum spiked eggnog, rum in fruitcakes...you know, anymore, there`s more of the Captain than of Christ in Christmas...
Why are kids obese? Maybe because Burgers are $.99, & Salads are $4.99.
Can only please one person a day. Today isn’t your day
If you have really strong opinions on subjects that you know very little about... then Facebook just may be the perfect thing for you.
The funny moment when a fat kid says "that`s how I roll".
if your looking for love sorry to disappoint you im already in a relationship with fun and freedom. :-)
I just saved a lot of money in child support by switching to condoms!
If there’s one thing that having kids will teach you, it’s home repair.
roses are red, violets are blue, I suck at poems.. you have nice boobs
Just once, I want to see a pregnancy test commercial where the female is like, "Aww, f*ck..."
This is my leftover status from Thanksgiving.