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I DON`T UNDERSTAND IT! WHY THE F*CK WOULD SOMEBODY BREAK INTO A HOUSE JUST TO STEAL A REMOTE CON - Never mind, I found it.
I regret nothing but mostly because I can`t remember most of the stuff I should probably regret
Apparently, you can only say "Look at you! You got so big!" to kids. Old girlfriends tend to get offended. Who knew?
Shopping at the Dollar Tree makes me feel rich and poor at the same time
I should never have climbed into this vat of curdled milk. I`m in whey over my head.
Finally, my winter fat is gone, now all I have are spring rolls.
I`m just going to start wearing a shirt to work that says "I`m good, thanks for asking."
This company doesn`t know how much of an asset I am.. Or an ass-sit. They really should pay more attention.
It’s a good job Apple isn’t in charge of New Year. We’d all be expecting 2015 and get 2014S instead.
You are not stupid, I just think you have bad luck when thinking.
The only thing Facebook has ever done for me is make me realize a lot of my friends are idiots.
Merry Christmas week! The time when it’s totally fine to put Peppermint Schnapps in your coffee every morning!
I bet cats are mad they can’t sit on televisions anymore.
Hold on I`m about to count my money. Alright I`m done.
It’s not what you wear; it’s how you take it off.