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I have an inferiority complex, but it`s not a very good one.
Guinness for breakfast because its Ireland somewhere.
[takes out checkbook][clicks pen] Alright, how much to make these Bit Strips to go away forever.
One of my favorite discoveries about adulthood is that there are literally no rules stopping you from eating an entire row of Oreos at once.
I just ate what I thought was a feta cheese crumble from my salad off my shirt. Turns out it was deodorant. So how`s your day going?
There is a 100% chance that I’ve called some of the most wonderful people in the world the most horrible things imaginable while in traffic.
Love going into a crowded area and yelling, "Hey stupid!!" and seeing how many people turn around.
I`d kill for a microwave that plays Europe`s “The Final Countdown” during the last 30 seconds.
Does anyone else get scared when a text reads "Can I ask you a question?"
For those of you who know nothing about pleasing a woman... the G spot is located at the end of the word "shopping".....js
How old do I have to be when I can start pulling in front of cars without looking?
Want someone to stop texting you? Sleep with them.
be smart, pretend to be stupid!
Arm wrestling is DEFINITELY the manliest sport where Two dudes hold hands...
If people would moan loudly during a pat down, the line would move much quicker.