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People will do odd things to get even.
that awkard moment when someone`s laugh is actually funnier than the joke
Your kid is running around the store screaming at the top of his lungs annoying everyone and I`m the a$$hole for tripping him?
If there were "Box Tops for Education" on cases of beer, my kid`s school would be rich.
Why did you have to take a half naked picture in front of a full length mirror to show off your new haircut?
My give a damn is busted! Parts on backorder....
Oh no. I thought of a brilliant status to update while taking bath but by the time I got back to my phone I forgot it. This is why I hate taking a bath.
Every time I think I finally have the life I always dreamed of....I wake up.
Waitress: `Do u have any questions about the menu?` Me: `What kind of font is this?`
Answering your cell when you don`t recognize the number is like picking up a hitchhiker.
That awkward moment when you take a bath in the middle of the day and don`t know whether to wear normal clothes or pajamas.
If pulled over, immediately ask the officer if they`ve been drinking in order to establish dominance.
I don`t understand why people pay therapists when I`ll tell them what`s wrong with them for free.
I`m on a whiskey diet. So far I`ve lost 3 days.
Sure, I`ll show up at your Halloween Party... I`ll be coming as the invisible man....