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Does anyone know where the off switch on a child is? I can’t seem to find it.
I judge how safe an area is by the number of lit letters on the Waffle House sign.
People that use statistics in everyday arguments are a$$holes 100% of the time.
When I see you in hell I`ll still ignore you
On a scale of Doopers, you`re pretty Super.
Why do the people with the most annoying voices always appear to have the worst case of verbal diarrheal??!!
I think pet shops should give a free laser pointer with every Cat purchase.
Well your honor, I thought handing her the curling iron while she was showering would get her ready faster.
There was a sense of accomplishment finishing the daily newspaper. I literally have no idea when I`m supposed to stop reading the internet.
I`ve never been skydiving, but I`ve zoomed in on Google Earth really, really fast.
If your that person that makes microwave popcorn at work, nobody likes you.
No one understands you better than some crazy weirdos on the internet.
I probably shouldn’t have driven home from the bar last night ... Especially as I walked there in the first place.
Bananas are the strippers of the fruit world.
I automatically assume you`re fat if your Facebook picture is a car