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"We`re pregnant!" -people who don`t understand science
I always carry a lighter in case I end up at an impromptu concert...or need to set someone`s house on fire. Either way, I`m prepared.
I`m sorry but sh!ts and giggles don`t sound like things I want to have happen at the same time.
If I had a time machine, I would just keep going back to bed.
Should all acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind, should all acquaintance be forgot and somebody refill my wine.
my Dr. says i have ADHD, i dont know how they see.... oooooh a squirrel!
Someone asked me how much love was worth and I couldn’t answer because alimony is calculated differently in each state.
I`m having trouble telling if it`s killing me or making me stronger
The girl on the flyer is never at the club.
Home: Where I can look ugly and enjoy it.
The baby gets furious when I try to undress him. Must get that from his mother.
Never date someone that works for your cell phone provider. Just sayin
I hate getting paid and being broke all in the same day!! :(
My girlfriend is gorgeous, selfless, graceful, highly intelligent and looking over my shoulder as I type.
School was so much easier when 2 plus 2 equaled 4 instead of "X." Whoever decided to involve the alphabet in math deserves a solid punch to the face.