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So, all theses years I thought it was the dyer making my shirts not fit. now I`m pretty sure it the refrigerator.
Why am I single? Answer me. . . ANSWER ME YOU STUPID CATS!!!
Step 1: Remove food from packaging. Step 2: Throw out packaging Step. 3: Dig packaging out of trash to locate cook time, Repeat steps 2 & 3 as necessary
Sometimes I wanna copy someone´s status word for word and see if they notice.
When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn`t hire stupid people.
Remember to make some bad decisions today. 20 years from now that’s all you’ll have to make your kids think you’re cool.
Hey I just met you, and this is crazy. But add me on Facebook and I`ll stalk you (maybe)
I’d be 100x more motivated if Samuel L. Jackson yelled at me to get things done.
The average human uses less than 10 percent of the remote.
A shark will only attack you if you’re wet.
The computers were down at work today, so we had to do everything manually. It took me twenty minutes to shuffle the cards to play solitaire.
I will be good today... I will be good today... I will be good today... Yeah.... I didn`t believe it either..
What idiot called it a driver`s test and not a Game of Cones?
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn`t met me yet
They say love is in every corner… Then my life must be a freakin’ circle.