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Some people are more confused then a chameleon in a packet of Skittles.
I think there’s finally enough stuff in my kitchen junk drawer to build a spaceship.
My family is missing that gene that tells you when trash cans are full.
If the shoe fits, wear it. Unless they`re not yours. But you can still were them. It`s just a road test, after all.
I wonder if they let me grow cannabis on Farmville, I`ll be able to sell it on Mafia Wars?
My chiropractor just told me that I`m well adjusted. See? Not everyone thinks I`m a total weirdo...
Some people just need to be clothes lined
Thinking about staying in tonight? Nobody looks back in life and remembers the nights they got plenty of sleep.
Currently under the influence of cold and flu medicine...my actions can not be held against me!
May have put up a few too many Christmas lights. A 747 just landed in the backyard.
“I saw that.” -Karma
They`ve been farting with my facebook again. It`s like the old days when the the girl you woke up with wasn`t the one you went to bed with.
Don`t you hate it when you`re typing something and you`re thinking about something else so then you subconsciously type what you were boobies.
Top 5 things I stare into: 1) My phone. 2) The fridge. 3) Space. 4) The abyss. 5) Your windows.
I ordered an Asian hooker last night. She showed up 2 hours late. She loved me wrong time.