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Boobs are a lot like train sets, they were meant for kids, but dad always ends up wanting to play with them.
It must be hard to judge a wet t-shirt contest. I saw one recently and all the t-shirts looked equally wet.
How do you get to be that guy who waves the chopsticks at the the orchestra? I feel like I could do that.
"I can`t wait to nail you later" *whispers to the new picture I just bought*
thinks the voices in my head are out of beer.
Is somebody not editing what I´m saying here???
Congratulations! You`ve won a lifetime supply of air: Not valid under water, in space, when dead, or while choking.
Pretty sure I look forward to my boss` vacation`s more than he does.
I know I`m an adult now, but I still hold out hope that money will fall out of every card I get.
If you have to guess what a commercial is selling, it`s always perfume.
You ever wonder why wearing no underwear is called “going commando”? It seems to me it wouldn’t be useful in a combat situation.
Never take advice from people on the Internet. Not even this.
I will kill you with kindness even if I have to beat the sh!t out of you.
My wife and I are pretty upset. It looks like someone broke in and surfed porn on my computer. They didn`t touch anything else, so that`s good.
I should probably do some housework before they try to film the next Febreeze commercial here.